The Fisherman's Daughter Files
by Red Witch
Summary: The Figgis Agency is forced to find more creative (and illegal) ways to make money.


**The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has taken off to the movies. Ever wonder how the Figgis Agency really makes money when they don't have any clients, or don't get any money from clients?**

 **The Fisherman's Daughter Files**

"I'd like to go on record that I **strongly oppose** this," Lana spoke up. The entire Figgis Agency was in a room full of audio and other kinds of equipment that Krieger had set up.

"What a shock," Archer rolled his eyes. "Lana is opposed to something."

"Alert the morning newspapers," Cyril said sarcastically. "We have our new headline."

"Extra! Extra!" Cheryl called out. "Read all about it! Truck-a-Saurus is morally outraged!"

"You know…?" Lana glared at her.

"Lana for the record I am not exactly thrilled about Krieger and Pam funding this agency with their hobby…" Mallory winced. "For lack of a better word."

"It's animation geared for adults," Pam spoke up.

"It's porn Pam!" Lana barked. "Cartoon porn!"

"Potato, Po-porno," Pam shrugged.

"But since this detective agency can't even find a clue much less actual **paying customers** ," Mallory went on. "We have to make money any way we can."

"I can't believe you are letting them continue this," Lana groaned.

"Lana this agency needs money in the worst way," Cyril said.

"Well lucky for you this is the worst way to make it," Lana quipped.

"Oh really?" Ray gave her a look. "Worse than actually stealing money? Or things like sex tapes for money? Which we've already done!"

"I'm not going back to jail for what you idiots are doing!" Lana protested.

"No one is going to jail! It's not even real porn!" Mallory snapped. "It's not like we're using real people! Just cartoons!"

"Yeah you'd be amazed at what you can get away with in cartoons nowadays," Pam nodded.

"And this stuff is pretty mild compared to what's already online," Cyril pointed out.

"You would know," Lana gave him a look.

"So we sell a few graphic novels and a few direct to video movies on the down low?" Pam shrugged. "With characters we made up. And like Cyril said our stuff is pretty tasteful. It's not hard core. Not that I didn't ask for it to be!"

"We're trying to create art! Not be commercial!" Krieger snapped.

"Can't we do both?" Pam asked.

"So I'm guessing Pam does voice work as well as help you put this stuff together with her AV skills?" Ray asked.

"I'm also the S&M Director," Pam said proudly.

"Please tell me S&M means Sales and Marketing," Lana groaned.

"That too," Pam shrugged.

"Listen Lana," Cyril said. "What little money we did make from clients…"

"Or stole from them," Lana added.

"Has almost already been spent or gone to taxes!" Cyril snapped. "Or in your case paying bail money and lawyer's fees!"

"Yeah Lana!" Cheryl stuck out her tongue.

"So don't give me your freaking moral outrage!" Cyril went on. "When you cost just as much money as the rest of the idiots that work here!"

"More than half of us actually," Krieger pointed out.

"Yeah, Lana!" Archer said.

"And if you want to get a paycheck every week…" Cyril gave her a look.

"All right! I **get it!"** Lana groaned. "I just don't know how making cartoon porn will keep this agency afloat. Or even if the money would be enough to keep us going. I mean even with what I assume is a shoestring budget…"

"Try no string budget," Pam admitted.

"What I can figure out that the cost of making this stuff is probably cutting into what little profits there are on this!" Lana said.

"Who are you? Emily Noether?" Pam spoke up. Everyone looked at her. "Too obscure?"

"Depends on who you read online," Archer shrugged.

"Relax Lana," Krieger waved. "We have a steady market for these movies that is totally legal and is making a halfway decent profit. Well at least enough to keep this office running for about a year or two anyway."

"What market would consider **this** totally legal?" Lana asked. "Oh dear God I just figured it out…"

Meanwhile in the sewers under New York…

"All right!" Aldorph, leader of the Krieglins grinned as he sat down to watch television. "Fisherman's Daughter Five! Tentacle Vice! I've heard really good things about this season!"


End file.
